Sunday Morning

It was Sunday morning.  Chloe and Jessica sat in Jessica’s car staring at the great cathedral; swarms of people were standing in small circles and walking in and out of the church.  Chloe studied the people with a degree of distaste; she found their superficial smiles and matching outfits completely ridiculous.  Calm down Chloe, why am I getting so upset?  We haven’t even talked to anyone yet.  She took a deep breath and tried to remain calm.  Jessica was also strangely quiet.  She bit her lip nervously, “you know I’m only here because of you. Come on, let’s go try and play nice with the Sunday folk.”    Chloe shot a glance at her friend; she was dressed in a bright yellow mini-dress with 4 inch black, knee high boots.  Her long dark hair was rolled back into a tight bun to show off her yellow and black earrings.  Chloe stared at her old, worn out sneakers and wished she had put more thought into her own outfit.  Jessica pushed through the oversized door and Chloe trailed behind her.  They were greeted with warm smiles and generic greetings.  An older woman wearing a pastel sweater dress and radiating musk greeted them. 

“Good morning dear!  Welcome!  So nice to see you!”  Chloe took her extended hand and tried to keep up with the efficient, yet warm handshake.  Chloe smiled weakly and muttered a greeting and tried to push past the crowd.  She unsuccessful.  A young girl, a teenager wearing the latest in Gap fashion waltzed up to meet her. 

“Good morning!  God bless, are you new here?”  Chloe quickly looked her over; a fresh face, shiny blond hair and perfectly straight teeth.  A walking advertisement for all suburban families and good up-bringing.  Chloe tried to muster a response adequate enough to match the girl’s energy.  The girl nodded and before she knew what was happening she felt herself being pulled along by the happy-go-lucky girl.  Wow, I wonder how much coffee she had this morning.  She was then introduced to Mr. and Mrs. Perfect along with heartbreakingly cute Perfectly Adorable Big Brother.  He was a classic athletic specimen; tall, broad shoulders, crystal clear blue eyes, beautifully shaped lips.  Despite her best efforts, Chloe was charmed.  She was feeling awkward about the conversation about nothing and began scanning the crowd for Jessica.  It didn’t take long to find her; she had also accumulated a small fan club of good-natured boys and men.  The girls exchanged a glance and politely tried to excuse themselves.  Chloe heard a chime and saw the people wrapping up their conversations and began walking into the inner sanctuary.  She felt Jessica grasp her hand and whisper in her ear, “dude, why the hell are we so jittery?”  Chloe shrugged and tried to hold back her growing irritation and discomfort. 

            They walked on well worn, yet plush carpet.  The air was perfumed with incense and a soothing harmony filled the silence.  Chloe glanced at the stained glass story boards depicting the hardships of Jesus’ life and felt a curious ache in her heart.  She allowed Jessica to guide her through the crowd and locate a seat in the middle hear the isle.  They shared the row with an elderly couple; they nodded toward the girls and kept a sizeable distance away from them.  Jessica bit her lip to keep herself from being unnecessarily rude.  What the hell is wrong is wrong with me?  Why am I freaking out?  Maybe that thing in Chlo’s apartment is rubbing off on me…ug, I can’t believe that woman is actually wearing that outfit.  Seriously, don’t women use a mirror before they leave their homes?  Jessica let her mind wander as she scanned the local parishioners and crossed her legs impatiently.  The opening hymn began and the people began to sing in unison.  The off tune, off beat harmony made both girls smile.  Chloe felt a familiar warmth and love rush through her as she turned to Jessica; this was what their friendship was based on, smiling at all the wrong times and not having to say a word. 

            An attractive middle aged man approached the podium.  He was dressed in a tailored tan suit complete with flower in his breast pocket.  Everything about him exclaimed comfort and trust, so naturally Jessica frowned and Chloe became melancholy.  He smiled widely and opened his arms to welcome the Sunday worshipers.  “Good morning my dearest friends and family.  It’s a great morning to be in the house of God!”  There were sudden claps and ‘amen!’ shouted around the church.  Chloe felt herself begin to relax as she tried to roll the growing knot of tension out of her shoulders.  He went on to go over the announcements about up-coming weddings and baptisms, potlucks and weekend retreats.   Chloe tilted her head and tried to find the Perfect Family again and she began to wonder what it must be like to grow up in such an environment. 

“Now my friends, as you’ll recall last week we were examining the human side of Jesus.  His great ability to forgive and somehow not judge those around Him.  Now I ask you, how did he do that?  Can you imagine going through one single day without passing judgment on anyone?  I know I couldn’t.” He paused; this statement was greeted with nods and smiles.  Chloe glanced at her companion but she couldn’t read Jessica’s face.  She was either zoning out or actually paying attention.  Chloe let her eyes fall on the image of Jesus hanging above the altar- his grief-stricken yet serene face moved her in a way she couldn’t explain.  She had an urge to suddenly cry, but she argued with herself to remain calm.  She closed her eyes and tried to push everything out of her mind; inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…happy place, find your center- it’s not in this church, it’s not in this place, it’s the silence…she stopped listening to the pastor, stopped listening to the whispered conversations and welcomed the calm peace that slowly enveloped her.  Dear God, or Jesus, or whoever is up there…please, please help me.  I know I’m nothing special, but I’m not a bad person.  I didn’t ask for that thing in my apartment, I didn’t cast a spell or kill anyone.  I don’t deserve to be tormented like this, and Jessica…you can’t punish her simply because she’s my friend.  So please, please make it go away.  Please, Chloe continued to keep her eyes closed until she felt something deep within her begin to break.  She opened her eyes again and realized that her eyes were once again wet due to unwelcome tears. 

            She felt a firm, warm hand grasp her shoulder and was started to see the pastor looking down at her.  He smiled at her, she was surprised that his smile didn’t seem malice or sarcastic; instead it was a smile that was genuinely warm and caring.  He studied her for a long moment then continued down the main isle talking about the powerful love of Jesus and God.  Chloe blinked.  She felt the weight of Jessica’s stare, but ignored her.  She closed her eyes again.  The calm washed over again.  This is nice, I like this.  She felt the hand again.  She didn’t open her eyes, but she knew who it was.  She listened to the songs and smiled; and then her bubble of peace was shattered.  It came out of nowhere.  Her eyes snapped and took in her surroundings.  The serenity and calmness, the seemingly happy families with their matching outfits and perfectly combed hair, the welcoming smiles and nice Christian attitudes; yes I bet they are so perfect.  I bet that guy over there rubbing his wife’s shoulders treats her like crap, look, she won’t even look at him.  And what about that Perfect Family?  I bet that guy’s a total douche, and his sister is sure to marry the first guy who comes along because mommy and daddy told her that sex was for marriage so she had to get married in order to have sex.  What’s up with this cheery music?  How can God go and create such a fucked up race?  Seriously, everyday there’s always some ass who blows himself up, and what about all those people who don’t believe in showers or vaccines?  And then there’s Jesus.  Why would anyone allow themselves to come down to earth at that moment in time?  This lousy planet isn’t worth saving.  As if WWII wasn’t bad enough, what about the Killing Fields in Cambodia?  Fuck that, what about this city?  Why do people only care about countries that so far away?  How about people like me that work so hard for nothing.  What the hell are you staring at asshole?  Seriously, what was Jesus thinking?!  Poor guy probably didn’t know what he got himself into.  What are you looking at?  Why am I so angry?  Chloe closed her eyes as the tides of despair, anger and depression washed over her.  She wasn’t aware that she had begun to mutter to herself or that her breath was coming out in short gasps. 

            Jessica didn’t know what to do.  She could feel the change in Chloe.  Jessica studied her companion.  Her eyes were half closed, to be honest she looked a little drunk, but she was far from drunk.  If Jessica believed in energy, she would swear that there negative waves radiating from her; but she didn’t believe in such things, so she stuck with the drunk construct.  It was as if someone had switched on an alter-ego of Chloe.  Chloe became rigid and started to snarl angry hisses as Jessica tried to soothe her. 

“Chloe, honey, this is not the time or the place to have a spaz attack, should we step out for a moment?”  Chloe nodded wordlessly as Jessica gently pushed her out of the aisle.  Chloe felt as though she were in a dream.  Nothing was real anymore.  Not these people.  Not this place.  Nothing was real and nothing mattered- except the entity that was in her apartment.  Chloe felt someone or something watching her.  She tried to spin around but couldn’t, Jessica wouldn’t let her.  She wondered if the thing in her apartment had followed her here.  Jessica guided her into the bathroom and leaned over the sink.  Her head was also spinning, but she couldn’t explain why, and the last thing she wanted to do was inform her friend.  Jessica looked closely at Chloe, the fluorescent lights were far from flattering; yet she was beginning to look different.  The lack of sleep and unhealthy food were really starting to take their toll on Chloe’s physical appearance.  The dark circles reminded Jessica of a heroine model from the 80’s and her amber eyes didn’t have their usual sparkle anymore; instead all she saw was a coldness and look of complete gloom. 

Chloe doubled over and slid down the wall; she began sobbing as she clenched at her abdomen.

“Oh!  What’s wrong?  Are you okay?”

“No I’m not okay, what kind of dumb question is that?” Chloe moaned.  She could feel the bile rising in her mouth, but she doubted she would really throw up.