It was Sunday
morning. Chloe and Jessica sat in
Jessica’s car staring at the great cathedral; swarms of people were standing in
small circles and walking in and out of the church. Chloe studied the people with a degree of
distaste; she found their superficial smiles and matching outfits completely
ridiculous. Calm down Chloe, why am I getting so upset? We haven’t even talked to anyone yet. She took a deep breath and tried to remain
calm. Jessica was also strangely quiet. She bit her lip nervously, “you know I’m only
here because of you. Come on, let’s go try and play nice with the Sunday folk.” Chloe shot a glance at her friend; she was
dressed in a bright yellow mini-dress with 4 inch black, knee high boots. Her long dark hair was rolled back into a
tight bun to show off her yellow and black earrings. Chloe stared at her old, worn out sneakers
and wished she had put more thought into her own outfit. Jessica pushed through the oversized door and
Chloe trailed behind her. They were
greeted with warm smiles and generic greetings.
An older woman wearing a pastel sweater dress and radiating musk greeted
them.
“Good morning
dear! Welcome! So nice to see you!” Chloe took her extended hand and tried to
keep up with the efficient, yet warm handshake.
Chloe smiled weakly and muttered a greeting and tried to push past the
crowd. She unsuccessful. A young girl, a teenager wearing the latest
in Gap fashion waltzed up to meet her.
“Good morning! God bless, are you new here?” Chloe quickly looked her over; a fresh face,
shiny blond hair and perfectly straight teeth.
A walking advertisement for all suburban families and good
up-bringing. Chloe tried to muster a
response adequate enough to match the girl’s energy. The girl nodded and before she knew what was
happening she felt herself being pulled along by the happy-go-lucky girl. Wow, I
wonder how much coffee she had this morning.
She was then introduced to Mr. and Mrs. Perfect along with
heartbreakingly cute Perfectly Adorable Big Brother. He was a classic athletic specimen; tall,
broad shoulders, crystal clear blue eyes, beautifully shaped lips. Despite her best efforts, Chloe was
charmed. She was feeling awkward about
the conversation about nothing and began scanning the crowd for Jessica. It didn’t take long to find her; she had also
accumulated a small fan club of good-natured boys and men. The girls exchanged a glance and politely
tried to excuse themselves. Chloe heard
a chime and saw the people wrapping up their conversations and began walking
into the inner sanctuary. She felt
Jessica grasp her hand and whisper in her ear, “dude, why the hell are we so
jittery?” Chloe shrugged and tried to
hold back her growing irritation and discomfort.
They walked on well worn, yet plush carpet. The air was perfumed with incense and a
soothing harmony filled the silence. Chloe
glanced at the stained glass story boards depicting the hardships of Jesus’
life and felt a curious ache in her heart.
She allowed Jessica to guide her through the crowd and locate a seat in
the middle hear the isle. They shared
the row with an elderly couple; they nodded toward the girls and kept a
sizeable distance away from them.
Jessica bit her lip to keep herself from being unnecessarily rude. What
the hell is wrong is wrong with me? Why
am I freaking out? Maybe that thing in
Chlo’s apartment is rubbing off on me…ug, I can’t believe that woman is
actually wearing that outfit. Seriously,
don’t women use a mirror before they leave their homes? Jessica let her mind wander as she scanned
the local parishioners and crossed her legs impatiently. The opening hymn began and the people began
to sing in unison. The off tune, off
beat harmony made both girls smile.
Chloe felt a familiar warmth and love rush through her as she turned to
Jessica; this was what their friendship was based on, smiling at all the wrong
times and not having to say a word.
An attractive middle aged man approached the podium. He was dressed in a tailored tan suit
complete with flower in his breast pocket.
Everything about him exclaimed comfort and trust, so naturally Jessica
frowned and Chloe became melancholy. He
smiled widely and opened his arms to welcome the Sunday worshipers. “Good morning my dearest friends and family. It’s a great morning to be in the house of
God!” There were sudden claps and
‘amen!’ shouted around the church. Chloe
felt herself begin to relax as she tried to roll the growing knot of tension
out of her shoulders. He went on to go
over the announcements about up-coming weddings and baptisms, potlucks and
weekend retreats. Chloe tilted her head
and tried to find the Perfect Family again and she began to wonder what it must
be like to grow up in such an environment.
“Now my friends, as
you’ll recall last week we were examining the human side of Jesus. His great ability to forgive and somehow not
judge those around Him. Now I ask you,
how did he do that? Can you imagine
going through one single day without passing judgment on anyone? I know I couldn’t.” He paused; this statement
was greeted with nods and smiles. Chloe
glanced at her companion but she couldn’t read Jessica’s face. She was either zoning out or actually paying
attention. Chloe let her eyes fall on
the image of Jesus hanging above the altar- his grief-stricken yet serene face
moved her in a way she couldn’t explain.
She had an urge to suddenly cry, but she argued with herself to remain
calm. She closed her eyes and tried to
push everything out of her mind; inhale,
exhale, inhale, exhale…happy place, find your center- it’s not in this church,
it’s not in this place, it’s the silence…she stopped listening to the
pastor, stopped listening to the whispered conversations and welcomed the calm
peace that slowly enveloped her. Dear God, or Jesus, or whoever is up
there…please, please help me. I know I’m
nothing special, but I’m not a bad person.
I didn’t ask for that thing in my apartment, I didn’t cast a spell or
kill anyone. I don’t deserve to be
tormented like this, and Jessica…you can’t punish her simply because she’s my
friend. So please, please make it go
away. Please, Chloe continued to
keep her eyes closed until she felt something deep within her begin to
break. She opened her eyes again and
realized that her eyes were once again wet due to unwelcome tears.
She felt a firm, warm hand grasp her shoulder and was
started to see the pastor looking down at her.
He smiled at her, she was surprised that his smile didn’t seem malice or
sarcastic; instead it was a smile that was genuinely warm and caring. He studied her for a long moment then
continued down the main isle talking about the powerful love of Jesus and
God. Chloe blinked. She felt the weight of Jessica’s stare, but
ignored her. She closed her eyes
again. The calm washed over again. This is
nice, I like this. She felt the hand
again. She didn’t open her eyes, but she
knew who it was. She listened to the
songs and smiled; and then her bubble of peace was shattered. It came out of nowhere. Her eyes snapped and took in her
surroundings. The serenity and calmness,
the seemingly happy families with their matching outfits and perfectly combed
hair, the welcoming smiles and nice Christian attitudes; yes I bet they are so perfect. I
bet that guy over there rubbing his wife’s shoulders treats her like crap,
look, she won’t even look at him. And
what about that Perfect Family? I bet
that guy’s a total douche, and his sister is sure to marry the first guy who
comes along because mommy and daddy told her that sex was for marriage so she
had to get married in order to have sex.
What’s up with this cheery music?
How can God go and create such a fucked up race? Seriously, everyday there’s always some ass
who blows himself up, and what about all those people who don’t believe in
showers or vaccines? And then there’s
Jesus. Why would anyone allow themselves
to come down to earth at that moment in time?
This lousy planet isn’t worth saving.
As if WWII wasn’t bad enough, what about the Killing Fields in
Cambodia? Fuck that, what about this
city? Why do people only care about countries
that so far away? How about people like
me that work so hard for nothing. What
the hell are you staring at asshole?
Seriously, what was Jesus thinking?!
Poor guy probably didn’t know what he got himself into. What are you looking at? Why am I so angry? Chloe closed her eyes as the tides of
despair, anger and depression washed over her.
She wasn’t aware that she had begun to mutter to herself or that her
breath was coming out in short gasps.
Jessica didn’t know what to do. She could feel the change in Chloe. Jessica studied her companion. Her eyes were half closed, to be honest she
looked a little drunk, but she was far from drunk. If Jessica believed in energy, she would
swear that there negative waves radiating from her; but she didn’t believe in
such things, so she stuck with the drunk construct. It was as if someone had switched on an
alter-ego of Chloe. Chloe became rigid
and started to snarl angry hisses as Jessica tried to soothe her.
“Chloe, honey, this is
not the time or the place to have a spaz attack, should we step out for a
moment?” Chloe nodded wordlessly as
Jessica gently pushed her out of the aisle.
Chloe felt as though she were in a dream. Nothing was real anymore. Not these people. Not this place. Nothing was real and nothing mattered- except
the entity that was in her apartment.
Chloe felt someone or something watching her. She tried to spin around but couldn’t,
Jessica wouldn’t let her. She wondered
if the thing in her apartment had followed her here. Jessica guided her into the bathroom and leaned
over the sink. Her head was also
spinning, but she couldn’t explain why, and the last thing she wanted to do was
inform her friend. Jessica looked
closely at Chloe, the fluorescent lights were far from flattering; yet she was
beginning to look different. The lack of
sleep and unhealthy food were really starting to take their toll on Chloe’s
physical appearance. The dark circles reminded
Jessica of a heroine model from the 80’s and her amber eyes didn’t have their
usual sparkle anymore; instead all she saw was a coldness and look of complete
gloom.
Chloe doubled over and
slid down the wall; she began sobbing as she clenched at her abdomen.
“Oh! What’s wrong?
Are you okay?”
“No I’m not okay, what
kind of dumb question is that?” Chloe moaned.
She could feel the bile rising in her mouth, but she doubted she would
really throw up.
